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A philosopher, an architect, their wives and my brother.

All happy people.

I no longer know what we ate.

When, during lunch, I was asked how much the prize was I realized for the first time that no money came with that prize.

Now my humiliation seemed vile insolence more than ever.

“It is one of the greatest honors for an Austrian to receive the Grillparzer prize from the Science Academy” said one of the guests, I think it was the architect.

“A huge thing, “said the philosopher.

My brother, as always in such circumstances, remained silent.

After lunch I had a sudden feeling that the suit I had just bought was too tight and without thinking of it too much, went back to the Kohlmarkt shop, Sir Anthony, and stated in a determined voice, but not without maximum courtesy, that I wanted to change the suit, as they knew I had just bought it, but that for me it was at least a size too small.

It was my determination that caused the salesman from before to go right up to the shelf where I had picked up the suit.

Without objections, he made me put on the same suit, but in a larger size, and I immediately felt: this is the one for me.

How had I thought a few hours before that the suit in the smaller size could fit ?

I just could not understand.

Now I was actually wearing the right clothes, and left the store with enormous relief.

Whoever buys that suit I had just brought back in will not know I had worn it at the ceremony to award the Grillparzer prize at the Science Academy of Vienna, I thought.

The thought was absurd.

I cheered up at that absurd thought.

I spent a pleasant day with my aunt and we kept laughing at the fact that Sir Anthony had changed my suit without making a fuss, although I had already worn it for the award of the Grillparzer prize at the Science Academy.

The fact the staff at Sir Anthony on Kohlmarkt were so obliging is something I shall always be grateful for.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE BOUGHT AND WORN CLOTHES WE FELT UNCOMFORTABLE IN.

BUT HOW MANY OF US HAD THE COURAGE OF THOMAS BERNHARD???

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He shook my hand and gave me the so-called proof of the award, whose bad taste, like all the other forms of awards that I have received, was unsurpassed.

I was not going to say something on that stage, nor had I been asked. So I only said a short Thanks! to calm my embarrassment, and immediately left the stage and went back to my seat.

At that point Mr. Hunger also went to sit down and the Philharmonic Orchestra played a piece by Beethoven.

While the Philharmonic musicians were playing, I was thinking about the ceremony just ending, I had of course not had the time to take stock of the humor, lack of taste and recklessness with precision.

As soon as the Philharmonic musicians had finished playing, Minister Firnberg stood up, immediately followed by President Hunger, and both went on stage.

Now everyone in the room got up and tried to make their way up to the stage, of course, heading for the minister and President Hunger, who spoke with the minister.

I, with my aunt, stood nearby as though frozen and listened with growing shock to the frenetic buzz of about a thousand of people around us.

After some time, the minister looked round, and with a tone of incomparable arrogance and stupidity in her voice, asked, “but where has our little writer got to?” I was right next to her, but dared not make myself known.

I took my aunt’s arm and we left the room. Without anyone holding us up or even noticing, we left the Science Academy at one o’clock in the afternoon.

Outside some friends were waiting.

With them we went to lunch at the so-called Bierklinik Gosser.

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When we sat down and a vague murmur went around the entire ballroom, the ceremony began.

I believe that the Philharmonic musicians played a piece by Mozart.

Then there were some relatively long speeches on Grillparzer.

Looking towards her, I saw at one point that Minister Firnberg, that is her name, had fallen asleep, and that this had not escaped President Hunger since the minister was softly snoring, snoring with ministerial aplomb well known throughout the world.

My aunt followed the ceremony very carefully, and from time to time, when one of the speeches had a part that was too stupid or strange, she gave me a knowing glance.

For us it was a real experience.

Finally, after an hour and a half, President Hunger got up, climbed on stage and announced the award of Grillparzer to me.

He read a few words of praise for my work, not without mentioning a couple of titles of plays which he said were mine but which I had never written, and listed a number of European celebrities, honored before me with the Grillparzer prize.

The prize went to Mr. Bernhard for the play “A party for Boris,” said Hunger (the play that had been badly interpreted a year earlier by the Burgtheater at the Akademietheater) and then spread his arms as if to hug me.

It was the signal that I should join him on stage.

I got up and walked to Hunger.

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But why are you sitting here, as the celebrated person of the party, and not in the first row, where we, he did actually say “we” in fact, where we have reserved two seats for you and your companion? How come? he asked again, and it seemed all eyes in the hall were on myself and that gentleman.

Mr. President, said that gentleman, invites you to come forward, please come forward, your place is right next to the Minister, Mr. Bernhard.

Yes, I said, if it is so simple, of course I will move to the front row but only when the president Mr. Hunger himself has asked me to do so, obviously only if Mr. Hunger in person invites me.

At this scene, my aunt fell silent and all guests looked at us, and that gentleman retraced the entire row and returned to the head of the room next to the Minister, and whispered something to President Hunger.

Meanwhile there was now widespread commotion in the hall which only thanks to the first touches of the Philharmonic musicians tuning their instruments did not become something awful, and I saw President Hunger reluctantly coming towards me.

Now I need resolve, I thought, intransigence, courage, consistency.

Do not go up to him, I thought, as they did not come up to me, and this time in the true sense of the word. When Hunger had got up to me, he said he regretted what had happened, but did not specify what he regretted.

He said I should sit  in the front row, my seat and my aunt’s were between the minister and him.

So my aunt and I followed President Hunger to the first row.

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At that point, the so-called guests of honor had already taken place. But of course the party did not begin.

And only then did my aunt and I know why..

Down there on the stage, worried people were going backwards and forwards at ever shorter intervals, as though looking for something. And indeed they were looking for something, namely me.

The hasty bustle of these gentlemen on stage lasted for some time, during which a certain commotion started spreading in the hall.

In the meantime, the Minister of Scientific Research had arrived and taken up position in the front row.

She was greeted and accompanied to her place by the Academy President, called Hunger.

Other notable persons unknown to me were greeted and accompanied to the first and second rows.

Suddenly I saw a gentleman on stage whisper something to another man while pointing with his hand held out to the tenth or eleventh row, only I knew he was pointing at me.

Then the following happened: the gentleman who had whispered in the other gentleman’s ear pointing me out, came down the hall up to my row and pushed his way through this row to me.

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But people flocked to go in and continually bumped against us and we realized we had chosen the worst place to wait.

So nobody is coming to greet us? we thought.

We looked at one another. The room was filled almost completely, just for the sole purpose of awarding the Science Academy Grillparzer Prize to me, I thought.

And no one comes to welcome me and my aunt.

With her eighty years of age she looked magnificent, elegant, intelligent and in those moments appeared as bold as ever.

Down there on the stage, some musicians of the Philharmonic had already taken up position, and all indications pointed to the ceremony beginning.

But nobody had taken any notice of us, and we thought we were the main party event.

So suddenly I had an idea: we go in, I said to my aunt, and simply go and sit down in the centre of the room where there is still some free space, and then let’s see.

We entered and headed towards those places still free in the centre of the room.

Many people had to get up and remonstrated while we struggled through the row of seats.

And now we were sitting in the tenth or eleventh row in the middle of the Science Academy ballroom and waited to see.

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Valentino Bompiani and Alberto Moravia.

When I have met them (writes Mario Andreose) they were already old, two very handsome old men, more elegant than they appear in some photos where they had a different age.

Very different in their elegance:

Valentino is impeccable with his unique line of gentleman, with Menjou style moustache, the jacket of the suit always buttoned up;

Alberto with a soft bohemian taste, closer to the pret-à-porter, with English tweed jackets, flannel trousers or jeans, and a wide range of shirts and ties for the creation of original and inimitable combinations.

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She was very happy that the Science Academy was presenting the Grillparzer award to me today, she said, even proud, of course, but that she was happy more than proud, after which she got up and I went down the stairs of the Gerstner and we left on Karntnerstrasse.

It was only a few yards to the Science Academy.

The bag with Sir Anthony written on it really got on my nerves, but I could not help it.

I would put the bag down before entering the Science Academy, I thought.

Even a couple of friends had taken the time not to miss the celebration in my honor, we met them in the lobby of the Academy of Sciences.

Already many people had gathered there and it seemed that the ballroom had already filled up.

The friends left us and we looked around the lobby, looking for some person to welcome us.

I went with my aunt several times up and down the hall of the Academy, but nobody took the slightest notice of us.

Let us go in then, I said, and thought: somebody in the room will welcome me and accompany me, with aunty, to our seating.

The lobby looked ready for huge celebrations, and I actually felt my knees were trembling.

Like me, aunty was also looking around to find somebody to welcome us.

In vain.

So we just went up to the door of ballroom and waited.

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Sitting down at Gerstner, I suddenly felt my trousers go tight, but with a pair of new trousers, I thought, you probably have this feeling, yet the jacket suddenly seemed too narrow, and I also thought it was normal for the jacket.

I ordered a sandwich and I drank a glass of beer.

Who had received this so-called Grillparzer Prize before me? asked my aunt, and there and then I could only think of Gerhart Hauptmann, I had only read it once by accident and just at that time I learned the Grillparzer prize existed.

The prize is not awarded regularly, but only from case to case, I said, and thought that six or seven years went by between an award and another, sometimes maybe only five, I did not know exactly and still do not know today.

Even the solemn awarding of the prize, of course, made me nervous and I tried to distract my thoughts and those of my aunt from the fact that the ceremony beginning was only half an hour away, telling her of the unheard of fact that in the middle of the Graben I had decided to buy myself a new suit for the ceremony and that is a matter of course to go into the store on Kohlmarkt where you can buy English suits from Chester Barrie and Burberry.

Since I was there, why shouldn’t I have bought a top quality suit, even out of the box? I said to myself, and so the suit I was now wearing was a suit from Barrie.

Aunty merely felt the material again and was satisfied with English quality. She did not say anything about the cut. That was classic.

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At Gerstner’s, I wanted to eat one or two sandwiches just before the ceremony to stop possible discomfort or pangs during the procedure.

My aunt was already at Gerstner, called my metamorphosis well acceptable and uttered her famous “it’s not too bad”.

As for me, I had not worn a suit, even up to that moment I had always shown up only in trousers and sweater, and even if I went to the theater, if ever, only in slacks and sweater, especially wool pants and a gray sweater made from rough sheep wool in a bright red color that an American has given me while in a good mood immediately after the war.

In this outfit, I remember, I went to Venice a couple of times and among other things, I was also at the famous Teatro La Fenice for a performance of Tancredi in Monteverdi directed by Vittorio Gui, and in those same trousers and sweater I had been to Rome, Palermo, Taormina and Florence, and in almost all other European capitals, not to mention that I wore those clothes almost always at home:  the more worn the trousers and sweater became, the more I grew fond of them; for years I was only seen around in those trousers and sweater and even today friends ask what happened to those trousers and sweater, those clothes I had worn for more than quarter of a century.

Suddenly, I want to repeat, on the Graben and a couple of hours before the Grillparzer award ceremony, I found those clothes that had been worn on my body for decades unsuitable for a celebration.

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